


not my fault || teukchul, 83line

by constantyeet



Series: college!teukchul/83line [1]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, mentioned hanchul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 06:40:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14326779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constantyeet/pseuds/constantyeet
Summary: in which jungsoo sees another side of heechul





	not my fault || teukchul, 83line

jungsoo downed his third mug of tea that night. he’d drink coffee to keep himself awake, but coffee makes his heart race and he gets jittery, too.

he stared at his bright computer screen, exposing a still-empty word document. his earphones blared an old FTISLAND song on full blast, screaming into his ears. it was probably unhealthy.

but then again, since when was he healthy in any way? mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually? never.

“fuck it.” he shut off the computer after closing the program. he took out the white earbuds from his ears, it was stained with a little bit of blood. nothing special.

he rolled back with his desk chair, the sound muffled on the dull carpeting of his shared dorm room. since his room was at the very end of the hallway, it was the biggest. so he had to share it with three other people. his roommates, youngwoon and jongwoon were fast asleep on their top bunks. his other roommate, heechul, was nowhere to be found. the dorm was quiet with youngwoon’s soft snores as an exception.

in the midst of the quiet night, jungsoo thought worriedly; it was three in the morning, where could heechul be?

he had always admired the younger. he was so strong, nothing could stop him. he seemed so bulletproof, always pushing snarky comments and rumors thrown at him aside. never caring. how does he do that?

suddenly, the sound of their creaky door unlocking cut through the silence. a wave of relief washed over jungsoo’s senses. he turned, facing the door. slowly, a tall figure with long brown hair came into the room soundlessly (or at least, tried).

his mess of a hair covered the most of his face, but you could see dried blood that ran down his face pale face.

jungsoo’s relief disappeared as soon as it hit him. fear quickly replaced it.

“heechul-ah,” jungsoo said softly when he entered the darkened room, “what happened to you?” worry dripped with each word that escaped his mouth. he got up from the chair to take a closer inspection.

heechul looked surprised to see that his best friend and hyung (by nine days) was still awake, even though he kind of expected it. he froze on the spot, the door clicked behind him jungsoo moved his hair from his face without a word, he turned on the bathroom light to get a better look of his face.

“oh my god, chullie.. who did this?” his pale, milky, white face was decorated with wounds. bruises and cuts were scattered, a contrast against his skin. his nose was bloody and his right cheek was dark and purple. on his forehead, just below his forehead and above his right eyebrow was a deep cut. the right side of his face was smudged with dried blood. the younger didn’t say anything, he only stared down to his off-white converse shoes. jungsoo understood.

he sighed, “sit down, I’ll fix you up.” he patted is shoulder gently in a comforting manner. after heechul walked away towards his bed, jungsoo busied himself by taking the first aid kit they have in the bathroom cabinet and then filling a bowl with lukewarm water.

heechul was sitting cross-legged on jungsoo’s bed when he came back. he was leaning his head against one of the poles of the bunk bed, eyes closed. jungsoo seated himself in front of him. he soaked a rag into the bowl and started to clean his face, pushing back his long bangs.

“do you want to tell me what happened?” still, he stayed silent. jungsoo continued to clean his wounds in silence. by the time he cleaned the last bits of blood, heechul still didn’t utter a single word. it was making the other uneasy.

jungsoo sighed once again as he took out cotton balls and alcohol to disinfect heechul’s cuts.

“hyung-” he finally starts, voice quiet and broken.

jungsoo froze, he never uses honorifics with him, them being the same age. he sounded so hurt, it made jungsoo angry. it made him furious. it made him want to find whoever had done this to him and punch the life out them.

he looks up from his cotton ball and met with the younger’s eyes. his dark brown eyes were glazed and filled with so much emotion. frustration, sadness, anger- everything was ready to burst out.

it was like wildfire ready to burn both him and jungsoo alive.

“it’s not my fault that- that I’m not straight, right?” with those words, everything came out. all that heechul was holding back for himself flooding out in one big tidal wave. silent sobs escaped his mouth as he looked down to his hands in shame. something inside jungsoo’s chest broke into two, he pulled the other into his embrace.

“heechul-ah, don’t think like that..” he said softly, rubbing circles on his back and whispering soothing words into his ears. he wasn’t sure what to do, he’s not used to seeing the younger so small and fragile before- he had always had a strong figure as a façade. witty, uncaring, sassy; he never shows this side of him to anyone, even to his closest friends.

“those bastards,” jungsoo trailed off. “who did this? who did this to you, chul? I’ll beat the living shit out of them.” he was _angry_. he was so angry. all he saw was red as he felt his shoulder getting soaked. heechul’s sobs get louder, now not caring that he might wake youngwoon and jongwoon up.

jungsoo felt him shake his head as an answer. “you don’t want to talk about it.” another shake of his head. he sobbed and sobbed on to his shoulder, letting out the load he never knew he held. all of the pain and sorrow he pushed aside for later, every bit of it.

that night, jungsoo realizes how human heechul really is.

he sniffed, “it’s not my fault that I fell for him, right? i-it’s not our fault that we liked each other.”

jungsoo softened again, he knows who he was talking about. “of course it’s not your fault. you have the right to love whoever you want, whatever their gender. you and h-hangeng have the right to love each other.”

it hurt to say _his_ name out loud. because he hates it- he hates the fact that heechul loved another person and not him. but it’s another sad reality he has to face.

so he holds him in his embrace tightly, praying that he’ll one day realize that he was deeply- _madly_ in love with him. it's not his fault right?


End file.
